Category Archives: Teen Culture

Why Teens Love Taylor Swift

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I found myself watching the 2013 Billboard Music Awards Sunday night. While I was watching, I noticed a recurring thought; how much I liked Taylor Swift. Now let me clarify what I mean by that statement. I was purposely viewing the award show through the lens of a teen’s eye. Trying to gain a better perspective of what is popular with teens today and why.

Now back to why I like Taylor Swift. I am always impressed with her.  How she dresses, performs and her overall attitude.  She is a very positive role model in today’s age.

More often than not my wife and I were disgusted by some of what we saw. Such as Nicki Minaj twerking on Lil Wayne.

taylor-swift-22-bbaThe night was filled with artists being self-absorbed, swearing and dancing provocatively.   Yet Taylor had a clean performance and I saw her winning award after award. (She won a total of eight awards)

It got me thinking about why is Taylor Swift so popular with teens today in a culture that is filled with a lot of other________ (insert your own adjective here). Here are my thoughts.

Teens just want to have FUN. I heard a presentation by tru where they shared that 74% of teens just want to have fun. Taylor Swift emulates this concept. She seems to always be having fun. Let me give you an example: While Jennifer Lopez was performing at the award show you saw artists in the crowd bobbing their heads with sunglasses on trying to look cool. Not Taylor, she was all out having a little dance party with her friends in the middle of the audience.

And if you saw her performance and compared it to other performers, Taylor’s was just pure fun. Not trying to be cool or make a statement. Check it out and you will see what I mean by Taylor just having fun. Did I say the word “fun”enough yet?

She is Authentic. In the McCann Worldgroups the Truth About Youth report, they identify that teens are motivated by authenticity. I personally have heard teens speak about how true this is for them. They crave authenticity. In a world where they know people are putting on fronts and creating fake accounts online, they want something real. Taylor Swift comes across as being very authentic. In all of her acceptance speeches I have seen, she always seems to still be shocked that she won and does not act like she deserved the award or was any better than anyone else up for the award.

I asked a teen about why he felt Taylor Swift was popular and he said it is because she has the ability to keep the audience’s attention with her voice. Not anything else such as dressing or dancing provocatively.

I know no one is perfect and I am sure Taylor Swift is not perfect either. But from what I see when I watch these various award shows, hear celebrities speak or read about their actions, I wish we had more Taylor Swift’s out there for teens to look up to and model their behavior after.

Building Relationships with Teens: Be Dependable

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If you have not read my previous posts in this series on Building Relationships with Teens, I encourage you to go back and read my first post to get an idea of why I started this series. (Here are links to posts two and three)

This is the fourth post in a series on how to connect with teens based on the Teen Voice 2010 study from the Search Institute and Best Buy Children’s Foundation. In this study, they shared a list of “10 tips from Teens to Adults” that outlined how to best connect with teens and what they look for in a caring adult relationship. In my third post, I focused on the tip, “Listen,” and shared examples of how I did this (or, in some cases how I failed to listen) in my work with teens. Today, I will share practical examples of how to connect with teens using Tip #4.

Tip #4: Be dependable. Do what you say you’re going to do.

In preparing for this series, I reached out to several teens I used to work with. They are all adults now, some with their own families—many are now working with youth. I shared this list and asked them if any stories came to mind about how I displayed or did not display the behaviors listed.  Matt, who I have known since he was around 13 years old, told me this story.

He said that one day he and I were sitting in the computer lab talking about religion, one of Matt’s favorite topics. I was sharing with him some of the principles I learned from the pastor at my church and the daily implications of this teaching. Matt was engaged in the conversation, asking questions and, if I remember correctly, challenging or debating me. He had a tendency to do that. But I remember that he was very interested in what we were talking about.

I mentioned that our church had created a bumper sticker with one of its key principles on it as a reminder or display. Matt casually mentioned how he would like one of those stickers to remind him of these principles, so I told him I would see if I could get one for him. When I was at church that week, I picked one up for him and gave it to him the next time I saw him.

Here is what Matt had to say about this interaction: “I remember one day we were discussing church and you were telling me about Mars Hill and the concept of “Love Wins.” I was completely amazed by the idea and asked you to get me a bumper sticker. The next time I saw you, you had my bumper sticker. Throughout my time under your leadership you were always adequately prepared and dependable. I can’t think of a time where you didn’t keep your word.”

To tell the truth I had completely forgotten about this encounter with Matt, but for some reason it has stuck with him all these years. I have talked to countless teens just this last year who have told me stories of adults asking for their feedback and then doing nothing with it. They share with me how an adult says they will provide something, like a field trip, as an incentive. But once the teens accomplish the task set before them, they never get the field trip.

Through my experiences working with teens, I quickly learned the importance of keeping my word and being dependable. I noticed this when teens would light up when I remembered a promise I made regarding a new game I bought for our teen center. I began to realize that many of the teens I was working with were promised stuff by adults all the time. By their teachers, their parents and other youth workers. But often those adults made up excuses to why they could not fulfill those promises. They began to expect that a promise or an adult’s word was not worth much, and they wouldn’t hold their hopes on it. Because of this, I made it a priority to never make a promise I could not keep and to follow through on what I say I am going to do for them.

Tips for Parents and Youth Workers:

  • Don’t make promises you can’t keep. If you have any doubt that you will be able to do something be honest. Teens will value and trust you more if you are open and tell them something might not happen (and WHY when possible) than if you just fail to produce.
  • The small stuff matters. More than five years later, Matt still remembers about a sticker I brought him.
  • Be an example. It has been said many times that teens watch what you do more than they listen to what you say. I found this to be very true in my experiences working with teens. Lead by example and be dependable. If you say they need to meet you at 8 a.m. you better be there at 7:50, waiting.

What Teens are Doing on Instagram

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By far the hottest smartphone app for teens in 2012 was Instagram. It was the one trend that no matter what group of teens I was speaking with, they all mentioned it as being very popular with teens.  And with the number of teens owning smartphones up from 23% in 2011 to 37% in 2012, this app remains popular with teens well into 2013 and shows no signs of slowing down.

instagramHere is a quick synopsis of Instagram in case you are unfamiliar with this app. It is an app for your smartphone that enables you to edit pictures using various filters and effects. This allows you to make your everyday pictures look like you are a seasoned photographer. And of course Instagram allows you to easily share your pictures with friends via Facebook and Twitter. The app also allows you to “follow” others so that you always receive the latest pictures of what your friends are having for lunch. Just to put the popularity of this app in perspective, there are roughly 40 million pictures uploaded to the Instagram app each day.

When I ask teens why they like Instagram, they share various reasons related to personal self-expression. It allows them to share their life through pictures in a creative and sometimes artistic way.

With Instagram being so popular with teens, I have been paying more attention to it. I have been asking teens questions related to the app and how they use it and I have been using it myself to become more familiar with the app and it’s functions.

I think Instagram is a great app for adults and teens. It can bring out a creative side in almost anyone, which I think is a character trait lacking in today’s teens. It also allows teens to share unique experiences and opportunities they have had with their peers.

Recently at a large Teen Leadership conference I was helping manage, we created a hashtag for the conference. I was blown away when we had over 4,000 pictures tagged with the conference hashtag in just three days. The majority of the pictures showed teens participating in community service events, college tours and exploring historical sites. I thought this was very powerful. They were sharing these experiences with their peers who were not able to attend the event. When discussing this with one of the teens, he reminded me that “a picture is worth a thousand words.”

But I have noticed several trends related to Instagram that are concerning.

Age recuirement. One trend I have seen is common on many social networking sites. Users who are under the required age creating an account. The terms of Instagram state you must be 13 years old to use the services, but I have some across many accounts associated with youth under that age.

Public vs. Private. Instagram preferences, like most social media networks, are set to public but provide the option for the user to make their content private. If your Instagram account is set to private that means a user must ask to follow you before they can view your pictures. I am discovering that many teens do not make the selection to keep their account private. Because it is public, any Instagram user can view their pictures.

Creepy. Instagram has a feature that allows you to explore others content. This will generate a display showing pictures of various users that can be refreshed to show more photos. In viewing this option I have seen pictures of teens pop up in this display. What disturbs me the most is some of the pictures show teens in revealing outfits. I was showing this to my wife the other day and telling her how I have seen some of these users, who are teens, have upwards of 25K to 75K followers. What this tells me is either this teen is a celebrity that I don’t know about. Or there are a lot of Instagram users who are stumbling onto their pictures and then following them so that they continue to see more pictures of that teen in revealing outfits. Either way, it is disturbing to me that a teen of 15 or 16 are posting these types of pictures for all to see.

“Likes.” In a recent blog by Sarah Brooks, she talks about how teens are wrapped up in the number of “Likes” or “Followers” they have on sites like Instagram. For some teens, they may use this as a way to gage their popularity or self-worth. If you have not already read her post I encourage you to check it out here.

I started asking teens if they saw their peers trying to gain more “likes” and what they felt it meant. Here is what I learned.

20130429-114007.jpg“I see this all the time. I think it has turned into a type of competition and so they have the bragging rights of how many followers they have or how many likes they get on a picture.”

“I believe that it’s all an “ego” thing, also if you have more followers people think your Important in some way.”

“I have seen (the hashtag) #likeforlike so people who search it can like the pictures and have one of theirs liked too.” I checked this out in the explore feature on Instagram and found 7,207,689 pictures tagged #LikeforLike, many of them were of teens. The picture to the left is an example of what I found when I searched the hashtag #LikeforLike.

When discussing the popular hashtag #40morelikes one teen shared, “it is a way to get likes and followers. There is an app called TagforLikes that many people use to get a lot of likes on their pictures.” I checked this out and indeedinstagram and teens there were several apps that a user could download that would help you attain more “Likes” on your pictures. What it does is allow you to easily tag your picture with the most popular hashtags on Instagram, such as #food or #girl. Then when someone searches for one of those hashtags, your picture is displayed for them to view. The picture to the right is an example.

One reviewer of the app TagsforLikes mentioned gaining over 20 new likes in a matter of seconds using the app. Note these are not more likes from your friends but from random users.

If you are like me, all of this probably feels a little overwhelming. Maybe you are even thinking about taking social media privileges away from your teen. I don’t have all the answers but here are a few ideas to help guide you.

Tips for youth workers and parents:

  • Be aware. Half of the battle is knowing that these trends are out there and teens are engaging in them. My hope is that my blog is useful in provideing you with some current and relevat information regardint teens and teen trends. But you can ask teens yourself too. I am always surprised how much teens are willing to share. If you are a youth worker make sure you are asking teens about new trends, how they use new apps or what certain hashtags mean. Sarah Brooks is a great example of engaging the youth she is working with in conversation and being aware of what is going on. Parents, my hope is your teen is connected to a  youth group. If so, ask the youth worker(s) what are some of the trends you need to be aware of. And youth workers help out the parents. Host a workshop, write a monthly newsletter, create a system to text parents regularly about new trends you are seeing that you think they should be aware of.
  • Talk to your teen(s) about the importance of privacy settings on social network sites like Instagram. According to Pew Internet, only “39% of parents of teen users of social networks have helped their child set up privacy settings for a social networking site.” Youth workers here is another way you can help out. Host a social network session for your teens where you teach them about the privacy settings and why it is important that they use them properly.
  • Give them a “Like.” Not on a social media account but in real life. Every day. And often. Make sure they know they are liked, heck make sure they know they are loved and that someone cares about them. In the little things and big things. Compliment their outfit, their positive attitude, a character trait they displayed, just plan tell them they are awesome!

Semicolon Project 416

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I just got off a conference call with a group of teens from around the country tonight and learned about semicolon project 416. Also written #semicolonproject416 on twitter, Instagram and Tumblr. I had not heard of this previously but almost all the teens on the call had heard of it and seen teens brandishing a semicolon on their wrists today.

Here is what it means or represents:

semi colon

Looking on Instagram there are just under 220,000 photos tagged #semicolonproject416. There appear are Tumblr post blogs and posts dedicated to this. Many with responses from teens saying they just added the semicolon to their wrist.

I do not know the origins of this or if this is a once a year event. If anyone has more information please share in the comments.

This is an obvious way that teens are sharing that they have gone through some hardships and that they have struggled. The good news is they have made a positive choice not to harm themselves or end their life. But many of them may still be struggling and dealing with tough issues.

Parent and Youth Worker Tips:

  • If you see a teen with a semicolon drawn on a them, ask them about it. Ask them what it means or why they have drawn it on their skin.
  • Ask them if they want to talk.
  • Make a mental note of teens whose mood may have been different (positive or negative today). Make mental note of a teen who had a semicolon drawn on their arm.
  • I am not a counselor or a psychologist, if there is one that works at your organization or school please share this with them and discuss how you should proceed if you see a teen with a semicolon drawn on their arm.
  • I do not know much about this yet, but I do not see a need to freak out at every teen who has a semicolon drawn on them. But I do see it as a sign from that teen, maybe a little flag saying “help me” or “notice me.” As parents and youth workers when we see something like this we need to let the teens know that we care for them.
  • Be there for your teens.

Are Teens Leaving Facebook?

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Did you see the recent Time Magazine article,”Is Facebook Losing Its Cool? Some Teens Think So.” It is another in the ongoing conversation about which Social Networks are getting more attention from teens. There is no concrete scientific study (at least not that I know of) saying that teens are fleeing Facebook like a flock of birds flying south for the winter. But if they are it should not be a surprise to us.

Why you ask? First, think about when you were a teen. Did you like hanging out with your facebookparents, siblings, uncles and grandparents or would you have rather been hanging out with your friends? That’s easy, you would have rather been with your friends. The same concept applies in the world of Social Media.

When teens first signed up for Facebook, they were doing so because their friends were on it and not their family members. Fast forward a few years and with Facebook’s growth, now their family members are on Facebook too. Some teens may choose to leave or limit their Facebook use based on this. Like the one teen stated in the Time Magazine article, “All your relatives are constantly commenting on your stuff. I appreciate the gesture and wanting to keep up with my life, but it’s kind of annoying.”

The second reason it should come as no surprise that teens may be leaving Facebook is because teens are early adopters. What I mean by this is when something new comes out, a new TV Show, a new piece of technology a new type of music. Teens are quicker than their adult counterparts to check it out. They don’t sit back and ask a bunch of question and perform a detailed analysis before they try something. Because they are early adopters, they are likely to try something new early and when everyone else begins to claim that thing is popular, teens are already moving onto the next great new thing.

This is why companies like Facebook are constantly making changes. They are trying to keep it fresh and new enough to keep teens and early adopters engaged and interested.

Third, Teens are at a stage in life where they are beginning to try to separate themselves, stand out and not blend in, figure out who they are as an individual. If the word on the street is everyone is on Facebook, then being on Facebook is not setting themselves apart from others. It is blending in when they want to stand out. This is not to say they won’t still have a Facebook account, but they will be looking for a way to stand out on Facebook or find another avenue to set themselves apart from the crowd.

Lastly there is more Social Networks available now. Five years ago there were only a handful of Social Networking options. Today it seems there is a new one in the App Store every month.

Social-Media-IconsTeens have choices, and what they have decided to do is use different social networks for different types of activities. In talking with teens I hear them say they use Facebook for connecting with family and group work for school. They love Instagram because they can share pictures about what is happening in their life and things that interest them. They like tumblr because it is like an online Diary where they can share pictures and videos that inspire them or reflect how they are feeling on a given day.

Companies are paying attention and trying to combined the best features of the different social networks into one. Case in point is Facebook’s accusation of Instagram and the development of a new Social Networks like Snapchat and Pheed. (Read more about Pheed here)

What does this mean for parents and youth workers?

  • Pay attention. Once you think you know about all the social networks your teens are on, they are probably checking out 2 more. Stay in the know by following sites like Mashable on Facebook or twitter. Or just navigate to the site and read the articles. When something new in the area of social media comes on the scene they are one of the first to report on it. If you read about a new Social Network or App, ask your teen if they have heard of it. If they have, ask them about it. Ask them to show you how it works or why they think it is cooler than other Social Network.
  • Pay Attention Continued. Periodically check out what is on the Top Charts of the app store. This will give you a basic idea of what is currently popular. And check your computers browser history to see if the new Social Network site pops up as a recent site visited. This will tell you if your teenager has visited the site.
  • If you work with teens understand what your teens use each Social Network for. This will help you decide what platform to use if trying to engage with teens via social media. Better yet, include them in the process of creating a social media outreach strategy for your group/organization. Teens love to feel like they are teaching someone older than them something.
  • If you are a parent, don’t like EVERY comment your teen makes on Facebook. And definitely do not scold them in the comments section. You can observe from a distance on social networks so they don’t feel you are watching their every move.

What Social Networks are your teens using?

Teen Culture Articles of Interest

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I have heard great leaders and innovators say that they are constantly reading. They do this to educate themselves, stay in the know about what is going on concerning topics of interest and to help them plan their next steps. I personally try to make time to read each day. Some days it is books, other days just articles of interest. This has been one of the most beneficial practices I have started in terms of helping me be more knowledgeable on a given topic (Teen Culture for example) and become forward thinking about how we need to engage teens in todays culture.

For those of you who have not yet started your own reading time or currently do not have the time, here are some articles I read recently that stand out.

How Prepared Are Your Students for College? From Kara Powell of StickyFaith.org. With a GREAT supporting Infographic from USA Today Education. A couple stand-out statistics to me were, “5 in 10 College Freshmen cannot find New York or Ohio on a Map” and “over half-a-million college freshmen drop out every year.” It is an eye opening read about how prepared our teens are for college courses today.

Why Fast, Cheap, and Easy Design Is Killing Your Nonprofit’s Brand. This article in FastCompany written by Heath Shackleford is not about teen culture. But if you have a program you are trying to grow, it has great advice for today’s Non-Profit. It asks the following question, “If you’re a nonprofit, ask yourself these questions. Do you want to fit in, or do you want to stand out? Do you want to “look pretty” or do you want to be effective?” I am guessing each of you want to stand out and be effective right? Start by checking out this article.

‘Cool’ kids in middle school bully more, UCLA psychologists report This new study looks at students in Middle school who were labeled the coolest and the most aggressive at the same time. It raises the issue that, “effective anti-bullying programs need to focus on the bystanders, who play a critical role and can either encourage or discourage bullying.” Work with middle school students? Then you need to read this article.

Here are a couple of more articles of interest:

What articles or books are you currently reading?

Teens are Getting Their Shake On!

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If you have had access to the internet or a teenager in the last two weeks, by now you have probably heard about the Harlem Shake. It is the latest viral video craze that is sweeping the internet teens are getting in on the action.

Here is the basic context. You and your friends put on the song, Harlem Shake by Baauer. For the first 15 seconds one person dances awkwardly, often times with a mask or something covering their face, and everyone else pretends they do not see the person. After 15 seconds (when the songs beat changes) you cut to everyone dancing and going crazy. I know, complex isn’t it. If you have a few minutes or hours to spare just type Harlem Shake into YouTube and you will be amused for as long as you can take it. Here is one of the more popular ones on You Tube that currently has over 22 million views.

I talked to teens across the country and found that almost all of them have been in a Harlem Shake video (or several) with their school, team, youth group, Club, family or friends.

When trends or viral videos like the Harlem Shake pop up, and they pop up almost every month these days, some will say that they lead to negative behavior. This week I heard of two cases where teens were suspended from school for their roles in creating or attempting to create a Harlem Shake video. One case involved teens lying to their teacher about what they were doing and pushing the limits on the appropriateness of the dance moves they were doing.

Overall viral videos like the Harem Shake can be a lot of fun for teens. But we have to remember that teens are still developing and sometimes may not make the best decisions. This is often the case when viral videos or trends get teens in trouble. They see a video like the Harlem Shake and think about what they could do to be more outrageous and get more views or likes on YouTube. This thought can outweigh the logical thoughts they have and cause them to push the limits.

What do I suggest when it comes to trends like the Harlem Shake? I will give you an example. A friend of mine who is a pastor made the following tweet tonight: “Who’s up for a Harlem shake video at mid-week tomorrow night? Bring props and we’ll do it.”

I love it! He is recognizing the trend and engaging with teens in making their own video. This means they will have appropriate supervision and guidance but will also have a great time. It can also bring the group closer together through a fun mutual experience.

Youth Tip: Keep your eyes and ears open for the latest trends and figure out how you can engage with your teens in the latest trend. Also, have conversations with them about how far they are willing to go to get likes and views on social media.

A Teens View of Social Media

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One of the best way to understand teens, learn their perspectives on various topics and what the current teen trends are is to ask them questions and to listen to them. This is a point I share frequently because it is the key to understanding teens and to building relationships with them. Occasionally I will share thoughts and quotes from teens in my post or even let a teen share their views and thoughts on certain topics to help us gain insight.

This week I read a blog post written by a teen talking about her perspectives and thoughts on Social Media. I thought this was a great opportunity to see Social Media from the perspective of a teen. So I asked if I could share their blog post with each of you.

Let me first tell you a little about my guest blogger. Allie is a 19 year- old freshmen at the University of Connecticut majoring in English. Her favorite App is either Twitter or Instagram and her favorite TV show is Suits on the USA network. You can check out Allie’s blog where she writes about life and the transition from being a kid to an adult.

For Your Eyes Only, written by Allie.

Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, whatever. I love social media. Sosososo much, in facebookfact I spend 70% of my conscious time scrolling through various news feeds—in class, mid conversation, half asleep, I’m basically always online (except when you try to text me, you’ll probably get a response in 3 hours – 2 days). And after spending so much time this way, I’ve realized that a lot of people are misusing social media (or is everyone else doing it right and I’m LIKE TOTALLY using it wrong?!?!). But before I get into what I mean by that I’ll preface with an explanation.

In my opinion: sympathy sucks. I hate being babied, coddled, comforted, the works. Yes, even when I’m upset. Leave me alone. I don’t want or need the “I’m sorry’s” or “Are you okay” or “I’m here for you” especially the pitying looks that come along with it. In my opinion pity helps no one.

twitterTrue authentic friendship and all that jazz is unspoken. I’ll come to you. Likewise, if you’re upset don’t assume I don’t care, I do, I’m giving you the space I know I’d want and sparing the awkward pity exchanges. Again, obviously if we’re friends call me, text me, I’m here. But only if you ask, I’m not going to intrude on your grief, it’s not about me and I don’t want to make it about me.

So what, does this have to do with social media? Ahhh great question, and so you shall see… Cue the transition!

On Facebook I have 700+ friends (after the post graduation purge), 120+ twitter followers (I only follow like 70 people, so I’m pretty popular OKAY), 80+ Instagram followers (okay so instagrammy pictures just suck), and like 4 people who snapchat me regularly. Basically the epitome of popularity, RIGHT? Anyways, my followings and friendships are considered small. But seriously, are there really more than 700 people who I can call my friend? Or that I take interest in the happenings of their lives? Heeeeellllllll naw. Let’s face it, if these pages actually reflected my close friendships there’d be about 10 people on each (maybe fewer).

But is that what social media is really about? Facebook is a place to make connections with old and new friends. It’s for sharing pictures, videos, little tiny snippets of our lives to the people we’ve encountered along the way. Twitter is even less of that, can you really form or upkeep bonds in 140 characters or less? Again, I repeat: heeeeellllllll naw. I follow comedians, celebrities, parody accounts, NYC_Blonde (<3333), and sure my friends too. Twitter is about laughs, tiny nuggets of information, and the sharing of non-problems like tripping in public or complaining about the weather. And the same goes for Instagram and snapchat. These are public forums, and most times open to anyone and everyone.

So the problem is, that people are using these places to air dirty laundry and to express serious problems. I am definitely not saying that you’re problems aren’t real or that what you’re going through isn’t tough. Not at all. But I am trying to be realistic. Realistically, how many of your 100+ followers actually care? How many of them will actually want to help you. Oh yeah, I’m sure you’ll get plenty of “keep your head up” replies or “stay strong” comments. But how many of them are invested enough in your life to share your pain? How many actually have your phone number and can call you to make sure you’re okay?

And believe you me that I do not want even a fraction of my followers to try to comfort me. I sleep easier knowing I have Madison on speed dial and that Taylor will run across campus to see me. And that my other close friends, no matter how far away will sit with me in silence on the phone until I want to talk. Moral of this too long story: you have real friends, use them. Because when Facebook and Twitter go the same way as MySpace, most of your ‘friends’ will disappear.

Life Went Fast for Teens in 2012

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I’ve been reflecting on 2012 the past few weeks, thinking about all the Teen Focus Groups I facilitated, teens I interacted with and articles I have read on Teen Trends and Culture. The more I have reflected the more I see a common theme that played out in Teen Trends for 2012. It is this idea or notion that teens feel ”Life Goes Fast.”

The last Focus Groups I facilitated this year hit this notion home for me when two of the teen members in the group kept referencing how fast life was going. They were saying things like how soon one of them would turn 18 years old, how fast teen trends change, how the school year was going by so face and how if they blinked they might miss something

goobye-2012-hello-2013Let’s reflect on a few Teen Trends we saw pop up this year that showcase the notion that teens feel “Life Goes Fast.”  First there was the popular phrase YOLO (You Only Live Once) that popped up everywhere from tweets to tags and on clothing. It was one way for teens to relate to each other that life is moving fast and that they need to live in the moment. Check out my May 1st Post Whats Up With YOLO for more information.

The next big trend I noticed was more teens getting Tattoos this year. When I asked teens about this trend they said that getting a tattoo is a way for them to remember certain event or person in their life that had an impact on them. Because life moves so fast they never wanted to forget that feeling, that event or that person and they felt getting a tattoo was a way to always remember. Check out my August 15th Blog Post Teens and Tattoos for more information.

And lastly is a trend I have seen for a couple of years now. Every teen event I have been to have one thing in common. Teens taking tons of pictures and videos. They love capturing instagramevery moment no matter how big or small. But that is not the end of it, they need to share that picture with others to show them the cool things that they just did, ate or experienced. You can see this Trend through the fact that one of the HOTTEST Apps this year was Instagram that allowed teens to share their life through photos with cool filters. Read more about Instaram in my post on August 28th titled What Do Teens Say is Popular.

With the technology age, more teens having smartphones and teens seeing tragic events both natural and man mad in the media, I do not see this mentality of “Life Goes Fast” fading anytime soon. I bet we see some New Teen Trends pop up this year that follow this same pattern.

Let me know if you see any new Teen Trends or remember other trends from 2012 that follow the Live Goes Fast mentality.

The Best Marriage Advice I Received and How it Relates to Teens

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I love observing teens, seeing how they interact with each other, interact with the environment they are in and what clues to current trends I might pick up on. I make a habit of it especially when I am in different cities and states. This week while in Atlanta I was sitting at a Chick-Fil-a (had to add that since we don’t have Chick-Fil-a in Michigan) enjoying a chicken sandwich and observed a group of teens on a filed trip. I observed an interaction between these teens which I have seen all to often. Something I have seen time and time again while working with teens. I wont call it a new trend but just part of Teen Culture.

Let me set the scene. There were several round tables outside that had four small bench seats each. Each bench seat could fit 2 people but it would be tight. There is one table with four teens and a table next to it with three teens. A fourth teen (we will call him Frank just to keep this easier to understand) walks up and goes to sit down in the open spot. But as he does, another teen (we will call him joe) says it is his spot. Frank grabs his stuff and proceeds to sit at a third table by himself. Frank looked a little upset but kept a smile while saying “Just like at school.” This brought on comments from the first table of teens. I did not hear exactly what they said, but by the looks of what happened next, I am guessing they were getting on Joe’s case for kicking frank out of the seat. I then saw Joe invite Frank back to the table to sit with the group, but this meant Joe and Frank had to share a small bench. This then brought on comments from the both groups of teens along the lines of “Dude are you gay?” Just because he was sharing a small bench with another guy. There were some laughs and then the groups continued eating and talking.

Now let me tell you about the best marriage advice I received prior to getting married. During pre-marital counseling my wife and I were told there is no room for sarcasm in marriage (Credit Greg Rose for this great advice). Because with every bit of sarcasm there is a little bit of truth and these sometimes playful remarks can lead to anger and even hurt the other person. Over time they can lead to large arguments and issues. My wife and I have held to this and it has helped us out tremendously in our marriage.

How does this relate to the situation with the teens you ask? In my years working with teens, when I would witness situations like this and confront the teens, they would say one of the following statements. “I was just joking” or “just kidding.” As if by them saying they were “just kidding”, the teen who was the butt of the joke should not take the statement as serious. When I hear this I always share two things with the teens. One, there is always a little bit of truth to every “Just Kidding.” And second, in communication it is not about what you say but about how the other person interprets it or receives that comment. If it is hurtful to them, even if you did not intend it to be, it is still a hurtful comment.

I am not advocating that teens should never goof around or joke with each other. But I do think this “Just Kidding” culture is hurtful and teens do not even realize the impact their words have on each other. Recently I had a discussion with teens about bullying, they shared that some incidents of bullying are usually just joking that a teen has taken too seriously. Teens are cutting each other down each and everyday and I feel it is our role as Youth Workers and Parents to make them aware of this and teach them to build each other up instead of cutting each other down.

Instead of providing Tips I want to share an activity I did with some teens I worked with to get at this issue.

We had about 20 teens on a weekend retreat in the woods. At the beginning of the retreat we gave everyone (including the leaders) a safety-pin with five pieces of ribbon on them and asked them to visibly wear these safety pins at all times. The five ribbons stood for “I Am Lovable And Capable.” Throughout the weekend, if someone (Joe Teen) said something to another person (Jane Teen) that Jane Teen felt was hurtful. Then Jane Teen would remove one of her ribbons and hand it to Joe Teen as a symbol that you just took a little bit of me, you cut me down and took a little bit of my confidence. Joe Teen would then have to hold onto that ribbon for the remainder of the weekend. (We also allowed teens who had hurtful statements made towards them to quietly remove a ribbon and place it in their pocket if they did not feel comfortable handing it to the person who made the comment to them)

The reactions to this activity were amazing and I have to say it was one of the most powerful activities I have ever done with teens. We saw a few teens acquiring other people’s ribbons at a very quick pace. This upset them and they still kept saying, “But I was just Kidding!” We saw groups of teens standing up for each other and saying, “I think you need to give him a ribbon because that comment was hurtful.” And we saw some teens not acquiring any ribbons at all while having all of theirs taken from them. We spent time debriefing this activity at the end of the weekend and it was great to hear teens saying that they did not realize how much their words hurt someone else. These lessons carried on once we were back from the retreat and even months later these teens would say to each other, “That comment deserves a ribbon.”

I encourage you to be role models by building up the teens you work with and not cut them down. Teach them how to build each other up. Create a No “Just Kidding” Zone and talk to them about the impact words can have. Lets work to educated teens about the impact of this “Just Kidding Culture” and the hurt it can cause. Lets remind them that if they don’t have something nice to say, then maybe they should not say anything at all.

[Please note that the activity I shared was facilitated with a group of teen leaders who already had a good relationship with each other and had a high level of trust with the Youth Workers facilitating the activity. I would not recommend doing this activity with a group of teens who are unfamiliar with each other]